Meet and greet
by bluegreengold
Summary: A Pentatonix story. How do you find the one you're looking for?


_I should feel so happy right now. But all I feel is sadness, because this isn't how I imagined it, and I'm going to have to deal with it._

This is my dream job, and in so many ways I have loved every second. Well, maybe not every second, but more of that later. I have travelled all over the US organizing the meet and greets for a great band. I have done small tours with them before, but this has been the most amazing yet. Everywhere we go the fans are fantastic. They queue in the rain before the gigs and wait in the cold afterwards, all to hear and see and maybe meet their idols. The ones who have saved up to afford VIP tickets are my responsibility. I see them get more excited as the time to meet the band gets nearer. Some are overcome and some can hardly speak when they get to see them close up and personal, and the band really appreciate time with their fans.

Lately though Avi had been a bit quiet, even for him. He still loved singing but something seemed to be missing. One night after the show we'd all gone to a bar after eating. It takes a while to come down after the rush of the performance, and usually he drinks mainly water but this time he was on his second beer when I slid into the seat next to him.

'Hey, how're you doing? Great show tonight, as usual.'

'Hey Natalie, it was a good one again. Looking forward to a good night's sleep though.'

I looked round at him, his beanie firmly in place despite the warmth of the bar.

'Feeling tired? We have a rest day coming up, you can catch up then.'

He smiled and nodded,

'That's what I need, in fact I'm going to head back to the bus right now. See you later.' He drained the bottle and stood up, zipping up his leather jacket, and was gone.

The next day he seemed his usual self, and it was a routine day with rehearsals. At soundcheck a tall redheaded girl caught my eye. She was not like the usual star struck fan, and she brought along a dragon toy for him to sign before chatting easily with him. The gig went well, though Avi stuck to water after the show. The next show, the redhead was there again in the VIP line, and she behaved as if it were her first time with the others. But for Avi she had a bigger smile and he was surprised to see her again, this time signing a copy of their newest CD. That night he stayed up chatting with the group, so it was not a shock to find he slept in the next day, even longer than the others.

Two days later and hundreds of miles away. Another VIP line, and who should appear but the redhead.

'This is getting to be a habit! It's amazing that you're here again,' I said to her in the line.

'I know, I know, but I'm kinda addicted to PTX,' she smiled. 'You know how it is.'

'Well, they're bound to remember you.' I passed along the line of fans, and glanced back to see her standing alone, in skinny jeans and a well-worn green jacket, a multicoloured patchwork bag slung over her shoulder. She was calmly checking her phone, and when it was time to go in for soundcheck she kept slightly apart from the others. At the signing table the other band members smiled in recognition.

'Wow, you're back again. I did see you before didn't I?' Kevin was grinning broadly at her and she replied,

'Just can't keep away, you're so awesome all of you.'

'Fancy seeing you here again,' Mitch smiled at her. 'What will you do with all these posters you're collecting?'

'Keep them all of course.' When she reached Avi, her face lit up and he responded with a wide smile.

'Three times? That's dedication.'

'Oh, it's worth it to see you all, I love your music so much.' She had a tote bag for signing, and as he picked up the marker pen he replied,

'Thank you, I'm happy you enjoy it.'

I was busy with people and didn't hear her reply but when I looked around again he was hugging her, and I swear I saw her put her hand on his butt, because he flinched away and let her go. She wasn't fazed, and whispered something in his ear before leaving the room. No one else seemed to have noticed, but he was definitely watching her go with a little smile.

At the show she was picked as chair girl, announced as one of their biggest fans, and from the wings I watched her enjoying her moment on stage and the famous lap dance. She disappeared afterwards into the crowd, but they talked about her over dinner. Scott said,

'What about that Kayla though? She's come VIP to three shows in a row. That's above and beyond.'

Kevin replied,

'Oh the redhead. I know right? She deserved to be chair girl, must have cost her a fortune.'

Kirstie chimed in,

'But do you think she's a stalker though? What do you think Avi?'

He cleared his throat and replied,

'She is just a very dedicated fan.'

Kevin looked at him closely, but said no more. Those two can communicate without speaking, and I couldn't quite catch what passed between them. Just ten minutes later, who should come into the diner but Kayla, looking around as if she were expecting to see someone. She sat down in the corner nearest us and took out her phone. She seemed a little agitated, and Avi got up.

'I'm just going to go see if she's all right. She's probably on her own here.'

Now Mitch looked up and said,

'Yeah, you can be her knight in shining armour Avi. Go get it!'

He laughed as Avi rolled his eyes before going over to Kayla, who started talking and shaking her head. He came back to our table and said,

'You guys go on ahead, I'm going to see she gets back to her hotel. Her friend didn't show and she's upset. It's the least I can do.'

Privately I thought that he could put her in a cab and that would be enough, but they left together and he hailed a cab outside. He got back to the bus after the rest of us were in our bunks.

The next morning he slept in again, but he was in a good mood when he got up. No one mentioned Kayla again and she was forgotten in the rush of a busy day with press interviews before the show. It was a large VIP group and I was really busy, but I was happy that he seemed to have regained his sparkle. There was a two night stay in this city so we checked into a hotel. It was lovely to have a proper bed and bathroom, and after a long shower before bed I decided to get some ice for my drink from the ice machine down the hall. As I put my head out of the door I saw a blonde girl knock lightly on Avi's door. I pulled back and heard his voice rumbling though I couldn't catch the words, and it was cut off as the door shut. I sat on my bed, mind racing, unable to work out what this meant.

'Are you coming with us, or have you got other plans?' Kevin's tone was light, but as tour progressed the tension between him and Avi had grown. They took separate rooms in hotels when they had always shared before, and some nights Avi stayed to meet the fans as they had always done after shows but then went off on his own. He performed as well as ever, but his friends were mystified by the change in behaviour.

'I'm with you guys, lead on, food awaits.' Avi was relaxed, checking his phone, but when he saw me watching he slipped it into an inside pocket. I sat next to him and when I saw a chance said quietly,

'Is everything okay?'

'Yes, why wouldn't it be? In fact things are pretty good.' He smiled at some memory, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I had to admit he seemed very settled in himself but I had my worries. I patted his arm and said,

'As long as you're happy, just be careful.'

He shook his head and leaned closer, dropping his voice.

'Don't worry. I know you'll keep my secrets.' He put one warm hand over mine and kissed my cheek. His touch burned complicity into my skin.

During a break in tour everyone went back to L.A. for four precious days off. Despite having lived in each other's pockets for three weeks, we all spent the first evening in a raucous games night in Scott and Mitch's apartments with plenty of alcohol. I enjoyed having a chance to really relax, and after three glasses of wine I found myself sitting next to Kevin. He put an arm around my shoulders and said,

'Hey girl, pretty good so far don't you think?'

'You mean tour, or tonight, or life in general?'

He laughed then and replied,

'I think life in general. I feel blessed in general, I got some new songs on the go, so all good.'

I paused before deciding to broach the subject we'd all been avoiding.

'So, how about Avi? He's been a bit different lately and I know you think so too.'

Kevin's smile faded and his eyes slid over to his friend, who was sitting opposite and being thoroughly beaten at poker with good grace.

'You know, I'm not sure. Of course I want him to be happy, but sometimes he seems okay and other times – he's a million miles away. I'm not sure he knows what he wants right now. He's not talking to me about it.'

I could see that Kevin was feeling confused and down, and I wanted to lighten the mood, so as the music changed I jumped up and pulled him to his feet.

'Come on, let's dance. Yes you, mister, show me your moves.'

He allowed me to drag him into a clear space and we started dancing wildly, soon joined by Mitch. I just wanted to forget about things for a while and let myself get swept up in the music, and after four songs we flopped onto the sofa again giggling and sweaty. When Kevin offered to get another drink I kissed his cheek and said,

'That sounds perfect.' I glanced across at Avi and saw him watching us. I couldn't decipher his look, but just winked at him. The alcohol was doing its job and I didn't care what he thought. Later on when my cab came I managed to escape without saying goodnight to him, and got home with my head spinning. I drank two glasses of water and went to bed, falling asleep immediately.

The next two days I went through piles of mail in my apartment, threw out a dead houseplant, caught up with friends and tried to push all thoughts of him out of my head. I had a job to do and it was not my business what he did or who he did it with. It was not my job to watch out for him or help him fight his demons. I had to be professional about it and I told myself I could do it, for the rest of the US tour and then in Europe, for the next six weeks. It would be easy.

Another city and another VIP line of excited fans occupied me completely, and I hardly noticed the petite dark haired girl in her PTX hoodie. But after the signing was done she came up to me and smiled shyly.

'Uh, I know I probably shouldn't ask you this. But I have something for Avi and I was too scared to give it to him just now.' She held out a green card envelope with his name on the front. 'Would you make sure he gets it? Please, it would mean a lot to me.'

I smiled and put it in my back pocket.

'Sure, I'll do my best.'

She smiled again and rejoined her friends, who greeted her with excited squeals. I forgot about the card until we went for food after the show and I sat down. Avi was sitting across the table and I handed it to him while the drinks were brought over.

'Hey, a fan gave me this for you.'

He smiled and took it, and I reminded myself that this was business, nothing more, and if I felt a little flutter in my stomach it was just hunger. He ripped the envelope open, pulled out the card, and a little slip of paper fluttered onto the floor.

'I got it,' I said as I bent under the table. A name and a cell phone number written in green ink leapt out at me, but I handed it over discreetly with a smile.

'This is yours I think.'

He held my gaze for a moment, and seemed to be considering what to say but the food came and I started chatting to Scott on my left. I couldn't eat much but I joked my way through the meal somehow until I could decently excuse myself. It was a relief to get outside for some fresh air, and a surprise when Avi came out a few minutes later. He didn't see me as he leant against the wall and fished the slip of paper out of his pocket before starting to punch the numbers into his phone.

'You should really keep a separate phone, in case the number gets out. The fans would never leave you alone.'

He looked round at me, and seeing the shocked expression on his face I could have laughed or cried. I hailed a passing cab.

'Natalie, wait – '

'Night, Avi.' The cab pulled in and I jumped inside, leaving him on the sidewalk with his mouth open.

It was so hard to act as if everything was all right when really it was all wrong. I played the game, I could hardly avoid him but when we spoke I looked at his nose, his forehead, his ear, anywhere except those green eyes with their unspoken question. I had been looking forward to seeing Europe, but now the thought of more awkward conversations hung over me like a grey cloud sapping the enjoyment out of life. Eight more dates flew by and only three remained before we packed up and headed across the Atlantic. We checked into another hotel and I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the bed after taking some ibuprofen for the constant low-level headache that never left me. There was no press to do and I wasn't needed until late afternoon, but I could not rest. I got up and sipped water, then plugged in my headphones and listened to my relaxing playlist for a while. I almost missed the tap on my door, and when I opened it to see Avi standing there my heart contracted.

'Hello.' I didn't know what else to say and my mouth felt dry. He looked at me for a long moment then looked down.

'Natalie. Can I come in? I wanted to talk to you. Please.' He raised his eyes to mine, and my heart raced in my chest as I nodded and followed him into my room.

'Okay, so what did you want to say?' I sat on the bed and watched him shift position in the chair across from me. _I will be professional and we will get through this._

'I suppose you're wondering what's going on, and you've been avoiding me so I thought we should talk.' He was looking down at his hands clasped together as he spoke, and I saw him breathe out and try to still himself.

'Your private life is your business. You have a right to be happy, like anyone else.'

'Well, I hope so. It's just hard to be in the public eye and connect with people.'

'I guess it's tricky to know if it's an authentic connection.'

'I never thought about fame, I just wanted to do what I love with the people I love, but it's pushing me further and further from what's most important to me.'

He was still gazing at his hands, and I waited.

'Kayla slipped her number in my pocket, and other girls have too. I never responded before that night, but I was feeling a bit low I guess, and she seemed really nice. After that I thought why not, what's the harm, and I won't lie, I was flattered by the attention. But it's a bit like getting drunk too often.'

'Meaning?'

'Short term gain, long term pain.' He paused, and I found myself frowning at him.

'So you're telling me this why?'

He looked directly at me and said,

'Because I wanted, no, needed to. I don't want to jeopardise everything for a little fun. I spoke to the guys already, but I needed to say this.' He took a deep breath and went on, 'I am sorry for dragging you into my drama, for making you feel uncomfortable, for everything really. I realise now that I was looking all over for what I needed, but it was in front of me all along.'

My mouth dropped open but he didn't smile, still looking at me, his eyes saying much more than words.

'What – what are you saying? That you, that I – no, Avi. You can't mean it.' My hand was on my mouth and my chest felt as if it was collapsing on itself, I didn't know what to do. This could not be happening. He dropped his gaze and nodded slightly.

'I thought you might say that. Please hear me out, because I do mean it. I didn't approach you because I didn't want to spoil things if it didn't work out; I felt it was too risky. And then I tried to forget about you but I only made things worse, and everyone ended up miserable. Kevin was so sad… you know it would have been easier if he had called me out or hit me, but he's too damn decent.'

I wanted to scream and cry, I wanted to hit him. I wanted to take him in my arms and kiss his frown away._ So much for being professional_. I snapped,

'What do you want me to say? I am not one of those girls. I'm not looking for anybody, but if I was I would be looking for someone I can depend on.'

He shrank back at my words but then squared his shoulders and looked up at me again, brow furrowed.

'I understand. I have to prove myself and I will do better from now on. And if you say there's no hope for us, I'll accept it.' His voice trailed off and when I said nothing he swallowed hard, then got up and offered his hand.

'At least let's shake on it and try to put it behind us.'

I put out my hand and he took it in both of his, stroking the back with his thumbs before kissing it gently, his lips infinitely soft.

'Have to go now.' As he headed to the door I blinked back tears._ I should feel so happy right now. But all I feel is sadness, because this isn't how I imagined it, and I'm going to have to deal with it._

'Wait.'

He stopped without turning round, and I went over to stand between him and the door. I couldn't tell if I was breathing and my pulse hammered in my throat as I whispered,

'We have twenty-nine days until tour ends. That's your chance to show me why I should listen to you.'

He smiled then, and nodded. I wanted to fall into his arms and I was sure he would hold me and let me rest my head on his shoulder, but instead I stepped out of his way. He had one hand on the door handle when he stopped and felt in his pocket before fishing out a cheap phone and handing it to me.

'I don't need this any more, maybe you can dispose of it.' As he passed me he touched my arm briefly and smiled again, his touch burning hope into my skin.


End file.
